The Expat Dilemma Part 2
I recently wrote a post called The Expat Dilemma that seemed to resonate with several other expats. We’re an interesting group us expats–we debate where home is (if we have one at all), we teeter on the line between outsider and local, we bond over the idiosyncrasies of our adopted cultures, the things we miss back “home”, and try our darndest to steer clear of the “grass is always greener” mindset.
The Expat Dilemma that I wrote of is, essentially, this quote in more words. We want a life that seems to evade us. We want to be here AND there. We feel the heaviness of homesickness, we miss birthdays and life-long friends’ weddings and holidays with the fam–but pluck us from our expat life and put us back home, and we’ll be feeling stir-crazy and craving our next adventure in no time.
My question is; does an expat ever stop feeling “a nostalgia for the familiar and the urge for the foreign and strange” as Carson McCullers suggests, or are we constantly in limbo between the two?
I say yes to being in limbo.
I know that as long as I’m in Spain, I’ll be nostalgic for home, despite the fact that the longer I’m here the less “familiar” home is. I also know that as much as I was born with roots, I was born with wings and my wanderlust will never subside. Whether I’m appreciating a new culture within a country (like I’m doing now with the recent move) or acquainting myself with a new culture entirely, I’ll always, always, always crave what’s foreign.
Expats, what do you think? Non-expats, can you relate to this quote?
I don’t miss anything at all about Britain, if anything it seems even more of a money grabbing nanny state since I left a decade ago, tho in that sense Its as bad here haha
The day to day community I missed but got over that within a year or two
Paz recently posted…Highs and lows of off the grid living: Part one
I will admit, there are definitely things about home that I don’t miss!
Love this post Christine!
I think you’re right – I think I’ll always be straddling between the 2. Often times, I’m so ready to go home, to see my family, to know where everything is, etc. but after a couple of weeks, I’m itching to get back to life overseas. I imagine at some point we’ll move back to Canada and I wonder how repatriation will go – I imagine it will be a lot harder than I first imagined.
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Repatriation I’m sure is harder than it looks!I can’t imagine the culture shock you’ve had living in West Africa! BTW, love your pictures of Seattle–that’s where I’m from
I just found your blog and I can’t wait to read more. I’ve fascinated by those who live the expat lifestyle and would love to live overseas. My husband and I traveled to Europe last summer and now we have travel on the brain and have talked about how great it would be to live abroad. I don’t think it’s something that we will pursue, but I hope to travel as much as possible. I wish I could weigh in more on this topic. Cheers!
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Thank you! Traveling to Europe is a sure way to get a serious case of wanderlust! Living abroad is a huge decision, and requires a lot of planning, but it’s not impossible. Where would you want to live if you decided to move?
I definitely can relate to that quote… I think my whole life is a struggle between nostalgia and adventure! Great post!
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Mine too! Glad you could relate
me too
. for me its been terrible. how do you choose between what you love and who you love if they can’t come together?
wow… exactly… so difficult sometimes. not knowing what makes your happier… i don’t know that that feeling ever goes away. and maybe i’ll always have the feeling of nostalgia and wanting to go back when i move back to CA
I think bits and pieces of each experience make up our happiness, and the trade-off of having experienced both is the nostalgia. The good thing is you can always come back to visit!
Very true! I used to think it was something that I would grow out of, wanting to be abroad all the time, but now I’m not too sure. I suppose I love the challenge of it all, as opposed to what I perceive to be ‘easy’ back home, yet in the midst of the actual challenge I’m always wanting it to be all the more easier. Can’t win!
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I don’t think I’ll ever grow out of it! It’s a great personal challenge, but I know exactly what you mean about wanting it to be easier.
Beautiful post, Christine. Although I’m not an expat….yet, I can relate. I think once you feel the rush of living life outside the “home” you always knew, for many it keeps calling you back. I have found myself in the last year yearning to be an expat. I have to constantly remind myself to live in the present and be happy where I am today. The grass isn’t always greener, but some days I’m sure it is! Who knows where the course of lives will take any of us….
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That’s a great reminder! Living in the present is something that a lot of us find difficult, but need to focus on more.
Lovely words, Christine.
I think about this a lot! Will I ever be satisfied to be in one place for a long time? Maybe not. It’s a scary (and exciting) thought. But how lucky we are to live in a time (and place) when being an expat is possible!
We are SO lucky! What incredible stories we’ll have to tell our grandchildren
I am constantly and happily in limbo.
I think I’m so lucky to have experienced so many worlds, and although I LOVE my life in Australia, I always hanker after familiar places and new ones yet unexplored. 
Krista recently posted…A Cozy Weekend and Homemade Brioche with Dark Chocolate Chunks
“Happily in limbo” as you said is the best way to describe that! We’re quite lucky, aren’t we?
I think I will never stop feeling torn between the two – nostalgia and adventure – and in constant limbo. Some days I feel heavier on one side, another day, on the other. After ten years of living away from home, I haven’t yet managed to turn any place into my “only” home – and as long as there is more than one place you call home, there will always be nostalgia for the other.
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Exactly. We’re blessed to have these opportunities though!
I understand what you mean. I’m often conflicted with nostalgia and excitement re: living abroad – I miss my family and friends dearly.
But then again, I don’t feel ready to go home – and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel settled, where ever I am. I love exploring too much!
Alex recently posted…Bologna
Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll feel “ready” to go home either. Visting and living in a place are two distinct things. Exploring just keeps calling me too
I can relate to this so very well! Although I haven’t been an expat for very long, I still feel like leaving a lot behind in my everyday life. I have moved so many times already and I have always left places, memories, and people behind. Of course I return every once in a while, but it doesn’t feel like I truly belong there anymore… I loved the line “as much as I was born with roots, I was born with wings and my wanderlust will never subside”. I couldn’t agree more! It’s so good to hear that others are struggling with balancing these feeling too!
Julika recently posted…Picturesque Monday: The Ancient City of Évora
Oh, YES I’m struggling! But I think it’s a good thing–it means we’re getting these opportunities to see the world and be able to love something enough to miss it.
Great post, Christine! I am very bad at remembering the other side of the coin when I’m in the other place!
Don’t we all? That’s the tough part of this bi-continental life!
Lovely, thoughtful and insightful piece of writing Christine. Enjoyed it a lot and made me reflect on many things. That sense of the unknown that never leaves you, the uncertainty of tomorrow, the endless path to comprehension….some will find too heavy a weight to bear, others an exciting and constant companion.
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It’s a mixture of all of those things for me–somedays more or less of one. Thanks so much for your kind words!
I love this post and quote! There’s always something that’s missing from both my ‘home’ and ‘expat’ countries, but something to compensate for it too. Either way, being in one place for too long definitely makes me feel stir-crazy.
I have a bad case of the stir-crazies.
Totally know what you mean.
Really interesting article. I’ve never lived in another country for longer than three months. I haven’t been able to find a place where I’d like to live yet, perhaps for the same reason you mentioned that I ever feel like I belong or ever could belong there.
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You get to experience most countries while still in the “honeymoon stage” then! I’d love to hear how your experience as a serial expat compares.
I admit that I really have never lost that insider-outsider feeling so common to expats.
FYI, I just included your blog in my 10 Expat Blogs You’ll Love list on my site http://www.TravelingGreener.com. Happy week!
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Thanks for the mention! Everyone is so different and some seem to adapt in no time while others take awhile.
I have to admit, I don’t miss the US much at all — but I do miss other countries in which I’ve been an expat. As much as I enjoy living in Paris now, I miss China and Singapore on a daily basis, and I know that in the long run that’s where I’ll end up for a long stint (if not to settle down completely).
So great that you’ve had the opportunity to become a serial expat and get a taste of life in more than just one or two places!
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Nice post! I don’t necessarily miss “home” as much as I miss the people and get nostalgic for things/a time that no longer exists…if that makes sense. I find it comforting being in that “in between” space, except when I have to move from one location to another. Let the stress begin!
You’re comfortable being uncomfortable…I can dig that!
Dear Christine, new to your blog having arrived there through Pommie travels, then Rob …then yours. Loved this post and its quotes as it describes our situation so well. Born in Malta, moved to Belgium, back to Malta, back to Belgium and last year moved to lovely Porto in Portugal as a family. With my wife and 2 kids we are trying to solve our personal expat dilemma by systematically adding two to three year stays in a new country we chose. Like this we start to feel local, learn the language, get to know the place really well, feel the adrenaline of a new place but the time horizon is long enough to feel at ‘home’ as well. After two years the ‘itch’ is usually back and by the third we move to the next country of choice. We always try to live in the moment (as difficult as it may be sometimes) and avoid comparisons between the ‘homes’. Regards Dirk
Trying not to compare is the key to survival! Thanks for reading